Trust Your Readers: Infodump versus Sensory Detail

Writers face these questions all the time:  How much detail is necessary to my story?  When do I introduce these details?  When is it description and when is it an infodump?

Let’s try some examples from some actual unpublished writings:

“Hey, Otteson,” Jared said to the boy standing at a locker in the boys’ changing room.

“Hey, Steadman,” Otteson replied.  Guys on the basketball team never called each other by their first names.

Ask yourself if that last sentence is necessary. Can your reader figure out from context that guys on sports teams call each other by last names? Certainly you’ll be having them talk to each other on occasions apart from this one.  

    Havliki and Kerrick greeted each other by butting heads because that’s how people from their home planet of Lurp greeted each other--with head butts.  Instead, how about:  Havliki and Kerrick greeted each other with the traditional Lurp head-butt.

Here’s another, a little longer:

    “How are things going, Lindsey?” the guidance counselor, Mrs.Green, asked.  Her desk chair squeaked as she sat down in it.  

Lindsey shrugged and pushed her straight, blond hair out of her eyes.

“I’ve been tracking your grades, Lindsey,” Mrs. Green said, looking at two computer printouts in her hand, “and I’m seeing marks that used to be A’s dropping to D’s and F’s. And a couple of your teachers are reporting serious changes in your behavior in class.”

“What’s their problem?  I just sit there. It’s not like I bug people like Jeremy Ellis does.”

“That’s what’s concerning them, Lindsey.  You’re usually eager to learn and share new ideas, but over the past month or so, you seem to have lost all interest.”

Lindsey sat up straight, looking Mrs. Green in the eyes. “Okay, here it is.  Don’t bug me after this, okay?  My mom’s dumping my dad and we have to go live at my grandparents’ because my mom can’t afford a house payment by herself,” she finished angrily.

Mrs. Green looked like she’d been kicked in the gut.  Kids Lindsey’s age usually had to be coaxed to tell what was bothering them.

“Can’t your dad help with the house payment?”

Thank God Mrs. Green hadn’t asked her “How do you feel about that?”  Lindsey might have thrown something.

“He’s buying a new house for the slut he cheated with.  My mom is only getting the legal minimum child support. She dropped out of college to help put my dad through law school, so now she can’t get anything better than minimum wage. Are we done now?”

Her desk chair squeaked as she sad down in it. Is this good sensory detail or completely unnecessary? Or do we need to break up the dialogue with sensory details like this?

Lindsey shrugged and pushed her straight, blond hair out of her eyes. Same question--good sensory detail or unnecessary? Do we need to know she’s blond or does that actually help the reader to visualize Lindsey better?

Lindsey sat up straight, looking Mrs. Green in the eyes. Was she slumping in the chair before this?  

Should Lindsey’s explanation of why her dad can’t/won’t help with a house payment and her mom’s difficulty making ends meet be broken up or interrupted by the guidance counselor? Or should it feel like Lindsey’s doing a practiced speech and anxious to get it over with? Do we need to know if Lindsey is speaking more rapidly, angrily, or loudly here?

These are the dilemmas careful writers face as they’re crafting their stories. My advice:  be aware of the difference between info-dump and sensory detail.  Sensory detail helps the reader see the scene and the people in it better; infodump just treats the reader like he or she can’t figure things out for him/herself.